These Bandages Are Anonymity

Yesterday was a nightmare. My total calories for the day ended up at 1000. That's fucking disgusting. It's because I binged of course, and couldn't purge because I was babysitting at my sister's house. Pathetic. I'm so incredibly disappointed with myself right now I'm very tempted to instate punishment. It's not worth the attention, though. All too often I'm only wearing a sports bra and sweats, which is usually when I'm caught. It's not that my mom cares, she doesn't, but my sister really does. Last time she interfered I gained weight and starting being 'nice' to myself. That was a misstep. This time I'm being much more careful. Since throwing up is all she asks me about, all I have to do is refrain from binging so I don't have to purge, and then I can starve in peace. My mom will be so proud when I lose the weight. She's skinny, of course. I'm sure she has some eating issues of her own but then again that could just be transferrance.

Today I've been better. I'm at 500 calories but I'm not eating anymore. I don't usually eat past 3pm. I also just finished my first workout, which was helpful to burn off the energy I had from the new pills by brother got me. My mom wouldn't buy them, because they're somewhat illegal, but she said it was alright if he bought them for me. They're feel fantastic and they work. The pills are helping me ease myself back into fasting. I miss the time when I used to go for weeks at a time without eating and not notice until it was too late and I was scared to eat. Boost isn't that bad if it's the only thing you're forced to consume. Getting a job will help the process as well. This summer, when I was working way too much, I lost a ton of weight without really trying. At least I'm feeling very inspired to do whatever it takes.
WWMKD? starbucks, boho chic, sunglasses... fuck food.
SSTT