I Loved You First, I Have To Go

Giving up bulimia is turning out to be more difficult than I predicted. I guess after 7 years, it's more than a habit. It's an addiction. I've been eating about 400-700 calories lately (eww) plus working out a ton (as usual). Today I had a huge purging episode, though. My mom came home late and made herself dinner and I couldn't help myself. It felt like the end of the world. Luckily tomorrow's rehearsal was cancelled so I'll have plenty of time to workout and make a new plan. I'm thinking of doing Ana BootCamp. One of my friends did it last year and she liked it. She said it was really easy. I'm nervous about altering the amount of calories but it's a system that I'll just have to trust. Either way, it's better than this constant purging. On a more positive note, I've been working on my latest novel every night. Considering it's mainly about eating disorders it isn't hard to understand why the sudden increase in inspiration. I'm going through a prominent transition period right now and I'm hoping that I can come out the other side rid of bulimia, at least for now. It's just not working for me at this point.
SSTT

Tell Me What I'll Never Be, Make Me Feel Broken

I've set some very specific goals for myself. By September I should be at my ultimate goal weight. I thought that was a very reasonable amount of time. I have quite a bit of weight to lose but it doesn't take long at all. I need to get my shit together and step back from Bulimia. I want to know what it's like to have everything I've ever wanted. I need to cross that border into Anorexia. I've tiptoed in and out of the habits now and then, but I need to commit to it. I'm so ready.